We Need to Talk About Leo

(I have never seen the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin but my Leo title fit so well with it. Except I read the synopsis of the movie and it sounds incredibly creepy, maybe it wasn't the best option.)

Now down to business, Leonardo DiCaprio was born on November 11th, 1974, which means that this was the happiest day of my life, 15 years before I was born. Leo and I have a long drawn out romantic saga. He was pretty much off my radar until I realized that Gangs of New York and The Departed are two of my favorite movies. Then I was like wait, Leo is in both of these films. Leo! It was basically instantaneous, thus the birth of true love. (You know what Leo movie I don't like? The Basketball Diaries. Disturbing.)

Me and Leo. See how adoringly he looks at me?

Backtrack. I have a hypothesis that Leonardo entered my love tracks through osmosis when I saw him on my ALL TIME favorite television show of my childhood Growing Pains (please tell me there are others who respect this show as much as I do). I was enamored with Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron, but not so much anymore, at all) and wanted to go to Columbia like Carol. I felt like a part of the family and like all classic family sitcoms, Growing Pains taught me so much about life! You can have friends named Boner and kids can be homeless. Like Luke Brower, played by a young and innocent Leonardo DiCaprio! Mike meets Luke in New York and lets him live with the Seaver's for a while because Luke is on his own roaming the streets of NYC while his truck driver dad is MIA. I remember being slightly disturbed by Luke's story in the show and also thinking he was pretty cute. My young mind didn't take to Leo right away because obviously Mike/Kirk was where it was at, but I now see that Leo has been with me for a long long while.

Carol is looking oh so sassy

Notice there is no mention of Titanic in my brief description of the long drawn out romantic saga between DiCap and me, that's because I made it through half of Titanic as an 8 year old, really only watching in hopes of seeing some scandalous nudity. I heard you got to see some boobs. And I saw them, oh yes I saw them. Then I was over it. I did go to Titanic in 3D earlier this year and got chills from how striking the movie is and needless to say was totally swept away with Rose and Jack. Also, I may or may not have watched their very steamy (literally) love scene at least 5 times in a row after that. But it kind of makes me cringe when Rose forcefully places Jack's hand right on her chest because he was probably going to make his way there without her help.

I have a very large dilemma on my hands when it comes to my relationship with Leo though. In all honesty, I'm scared that he may kind of be a dud of a person? I hope I am horrendously wrong about him, but I think maybe I'm not.

Case and point, he only dates TALL LEGGY BLONDE VICTORIA SECRET MODELS. And he hasn't settled down with a single one. Come on dude. Is he aiming to be his generation's George Clooney? At least George has a little variety in his lady friends. Leo went from Gisele to Bar and now to his newest conquest Erin Tall Leggy Blonde Victoria Secret Model. I realize this is totally Leo's prerogative and he is obviously enjoying his status in life and the women he dates are gorgeous and probably super nice. So whatever it's not my business...to the unassuming eye, but to anyone who knows anything it is TOTALLY my business because Leo is my #1 imaginary boyfriend (Thanks Amy and Sheryl at the Heatley Cliff for that terminology. Comforted to know others do this).

His rough and tumble come hither look.

Sadly, I know nothing about Leo except for the awesome traits I give him in my mind. What I do know though is that if it can't be me and Leonardo DiCaprio walking down the aisle soonish then it needs to be LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND KATE WINSELT. She is now single, he will probably be single pretty quickly, and they need to turn their friendship into some steam like in that car in the boiler room on the RMS Titanic. Should we start a petition to let them know they are perfect for one another?

YES.

I hope I see this for real in the future.

Until the day I meet Leo or he and Kate get together and I feel comfortable that he is in a nice healthy, stable relationship I will continue to imagine Leonardo DiCaprio, my main man, as a gentlemen who has a good sense of humor and smells nice. And I will advise him to keep his hair on the shorter side. I'm not too sure how I feel about his slicked back look. Actually I am; I feel I don't like it.

I don't know, I guess he's just going through some growing pains. Did you see what I did there? Play on words, words playing. 

In the mean time I have THE GREAT GATSBY movie to look forward to! So incredibly excited. It'll be like I'm right there next to my guy as I'll be pretending I'm Daisy the entire time. Finally the man does a movie with some solid romance in it (Shutter Island wasn't necessarily enchanting).

For another genre all together, I'm interested to see how Leo does in a Quentin Tarantino movie. Django Unchained looks pretty crazy, but should I be surprised?

I'd like to end with formally proposing to Leonardo DiCaprio. Will you marry me imaginary boyfriend #1?

A Queen's Diamond Jubilee Party in...Madison, WI.

All hail the queen!

London is having a big year what with the 2012 London Olympics and the QUEEN'S DIAMOND JUBLIEE! I am freaking out over here, is anyone else? We all know I am a self professed anglophile so I kind of feel like the Universe is smiling down on me and all London is beckoning me to make my way across the pond and have a cuppa and a jolly ol' time. Bloody hell, I'm down.

I was out of town the weekend of the Queen's major celebrations meaning regrettably, I was not able to sit glued to the television watching the huge party, wearing a fake crown and talking in a mix between a cockney accent and an elegant Queen Victoria esque accent to mainly no one, while eating short bread cookies that I call biscuits and drinking massive amounts of tea burning my mouth being totally ok with that. What a shame. Doesn't that sound amazing and inspirational? Or wait does it sound like a description of a four year old girl in her imaginary world? Either way it would have been pretty notable.

Although I was not able to devote my full attention to all of the pomp and circumstance of British royal celebrations, I was able to have a splendid tea party in honor of her majesty the Queen! My mom is the best hostess and cute party thrower I know. She fully indulged my idea of a party and ran with it, also providing most of the guests with her cool friends. I spent my party tea time with a gaggle of awesome ladies, what a treat!

For those of you who don't know, The Queen's Diamond Jubilee of Elizabeth II is a celebration marking 60 years on the throne for Lizzy. Queen Victoria is the only other monarch in British history to have celebrated this massive achievement. The Brits do crazy stuff like boat pageants down the Thames and street parties! Also famous celebrities preform for the Queen and The Duchess of Cambridge, lovely Kate Middleton looks gorgeous.

But here in Madison, WI we buy tins of Walkers shortbread cookies, make scones, eat clotted cream and little tea sammies made with wheat bread. It was obviously super authentic. And tons of unadulterated fun.

Here are pictures documenting the whole shin dig.

The spread. Yes, that is the Queen's face on a tin full of shortbread cookies.

Channeling Alice in Wonderland and some of Britain's earlier monarchs who made use of the guillotine. Ahmm "Bloody Mary"

 

 

 

My plate, one of many servings. 

How precious is my mother? We made crowns.

I opted also to add a bindi inspired gem stone as an acknowledgement of British history in India.

And to cap it all off we had a cake decorated with the colors of the United Kingdom and the United States, because we were in fact in the US.

To keep the theme towards our comrades over in the UK we read from my book called "Knickers in a Twist: A Dictionary of British Slang" learning inventive aspects of British culture. It all went tickety-boo (a term that means it went exceedingly well)!

Next on my queue, an Olympics party!! I plan on just wearing a Union Jack flag draped like a toga.

I'm back!

Hello again social media world!

Falling Bottoms is officially back and in action. I took a little time off because I was so busy beginning the most grand undertaking of watching ALL 100 episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with my mom (more on that fun adventure to come in a future post), trying out new breakfast recipes (my favorite meal of the day!) and getting into grad school!!! So yeah, I've been one busy lass (I just began reading the Outlander series, in which the word lass is used a great deal).

Sit back and enjoy readers because I have some really exciting topics to cover! Also, why not tell your friends that this really cool blog you read once upon a time has sprung back into your life? I know, I know who am I not to write for like months and NOW this chick is asking you to advertise her measly blog? Well, I'm that chick!

And a shout out to the giggly gang at Hello Giggles for spurring me to jump back into the blogging game.

Now to the good stuff.

Brilliance

Deep thoughts of the day brought to you by my one and only dear mom:

Life is like a bubble, take advantage of it before it pops.

It doesn't get much better than that.

Think bubbles!

Who is this evil genius Nicholas Sparks and why does he want to ruin my life?

I hate Nicholas Sparks.

Hear me out. Nicholas Sparks and his wonderfully crafted, heartwrenchingly entertaining, romantic stories have warped my view of realistic love. I expect EVERY man to be so devoted to me from the moment they see me they go crazy at a carnival and hang in midair in their underwear on a Ferris wheel like Noah does for Allie in The Notebook.

After watching Nicholas Sparks movies every girl realizes how much normal guys suck.

I haven't read any Nicholas Sparks books, which is a cop out on my judgement of Nick, but like do I need to submit myself to that? Books have so much more detail and I know that reading The Notebook or Dear John would be agonizing as the heartbreak slowly unfolds. Plus, I hear that all his books are even SADDER THAN THE MOVIES. Can this be possible I ask myself soaked in tears!

Alright, it's obvious that I don't in fact hate Nicholas Sparks, I LOVE/HATE HIM. I want to watch these movies and cry and I want to have this kind of love in my life. Similar to the effect that Disney princess movies have on females, Sparks' work has ruined my life. Not really, but sort of close. Ok again, not really BUT what Nicholas Sparks movies like The Last Song have done is implant a version of a love story life that is largely unattainable.

Maybe I am a romance pessimist and if I am I BLAME IT ALL ON NICHOLAS SPARKS.

Turns out Mr. Sparks is just a normal author dude with an abnormal affinity to write stories that pull at the heartstrings. Is Nicholas Sparks the most romantic man on Earth? I freaking hope so, then everything would be ok and make sense.

My personal favorite Sparks' films are The Notebook, Dear John and The Last Song.

The Notebook. I couldn't resist putting this one in because does this really happen?

Dear John

The Last Song

Muhahaha also this one.

I may have been experiencing a dramatic point in my life when I watched Dear John, but holy my god I was convulsing with sobs when I saw it. Ask yourself, could John be any better as a complex tough guy who just wants to be loved and give love? And then that whole bit with his dad! A river of tears I tell you. My roommate at the time probably thought something was physically wrong with me.

It was during this viewing that I realized I enjoy crying to the point of no return.  It's just kind of fun to release any and all feelings through the tears Nicholas Sparks forces out of me.

This is what Nicholas Sparks 'the evil genius' has done to me:

1. Makes me think that the guy should always be that much more devoted and into it than the girl in a relationship. Look at the male characters in my three fav Nick films: Noah, John and Will are extremely devoted to Allie, Savannah and Ronnie so much so they refuse to give up on them. The girls flounce around, in pain yes, but are prepared to move on from their loves!

2. You can be a total bitch to your guy all the time and he will come back. My evidence for this, Miley Cyrus/ Ronnie in The Last Song. I mean she is literally annoying every instant of that movie. Why does Liam Hemsworth/Will take all her shit? But I love this movie and am so happy at the end when they kiss on the beach and both decide to continue their education in college. Woo, go learning! Also, nothing against Miley- I LOVE 'PARTY IN THE USA.'

3. Then there's that one notion I have that fighting with your significant other can be outlandish and dramatic and you can make a scene and just go NUTS. Because you guys, this just shows all the love and passion between the guy and gal! At least according to damn Nicholas Sparks. This is potentially the most dangerous idea I have soaked into my brain waves because who wants a psycho screaming and maybe going in for a slap fighting over a scoop of ice cream or something.

So obviously Nicholas Sparks' films have made me delusional.

Or maybe Nick is showing me the beauty that love can bring, also with the tears and the pain that comes when your heart is ripped out of your chest. Examples of this include when Noah and Allie breakup, when Ronnie finds out that Will knew all along that Ronnie's dad didn't burn down the church, when Savannah can't deal with being apart from John any longer and gets with that kid's dad! But it all turns out sort of ok in the end. With love comes sadness and strife, but you can prevail, so says Nicholas!

Alas, after all my smack talk I have decided on a compromise. I will continue to"hate" Nicholas Sparks and his love tales while at the same time I will understand that his stories are showing the possibilities that a great love can bring.

Mentally I have to tell myself this as I prepare to see The Lucky One (coming out soon) starring ZAC EFRON and some other girl. Again Nicholas Sparks will make me cry the kind of cry that people feel uncomfortable around (sorry everyone at the theatre!) and I will love hate him while I do it. Hurrah!

And who knows maybe I'll find myself singing a different tune when I find my Noah, John or Will. BUT THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM, NICHOLAS SPARKS TELLS ME THERE IS A NOAH, JOHN OR WILL OUT THERE FOR ME. Ugh, life and its complexities.

To those of you with awesome boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives or a Noah, John or Will, I am sincerely happy for you... in the sort of way that people are happy for people when they are jealous of them.

!!!!

Exclamation points of excitement and love!!!!!

Friends With Kids

If I had a theme song it would be that old Starz jingle "Movies, movies, movies, movies!" because I'm such a movie fanatic. I also like most every movie I see so I'm not a tough critic.

I recently saw the movie Friends with Kids. I was expecting a cute little comedy with Kristen Wiig, Chris O'Dowd (who is so cute!! and Irish), Jon Hamm and Maya Rudolph reprising roles similar to those in Bridesmaids. WRONG, denied. I did not find that in this movie, but I did really really like it (as always).

Basically, two friends Julie (Jennifer Westfedlt) and Jason (Adam Scott) have been just that for as long as they've known each other, friends. They are part of a fun, trendy little six-some group of friends made up of two other couples Ben (Jon Hamm) and Missy (Kristen Wiig) and Leslie (Maya Rudolph) and Alex (Chris O'Dowd).

Ben and Missy and Leslie and Alex have kids and becoming un-freaking-bearable, annoying, psychotic parents. I am not in a child rearing phase of my life so I don't really have a place to talk, but these friends with kids need to calm down a little/a lottle.

Julie and Jason can't keep solid, serious relationships respectively, with Jason breaking up with girls left and right and Julie basically doing one daters with duds. But they do decide, even after witnessing the horrors of having children from their friends, that they want to bring a little one into the world. What ensues is a sweet little love story with some bumps in the road, but thoughtful insights into contemporary relationships, kids, love, friendships, sex and the like.

I won't give away the end, but I will say it ends happy! Yay.

For the record, I do want to have kids. I'm not some maniacal cat lady who shuns munchkin children.