Movie Marathons are the best kind of marathons

Movie marathons are one of the most under appreciated wonders of the world.

You can do so much with them! Pick a genre, pick an actor, pick a director, pick an era or put one together from scratch and you have a full days worth of cinematic escapism to tide you over.

I love the idea of marathons because it means you just let yourself sit on the couch, nibble on some nibbles and have a very productive excuse to be sedentary BUT NOT LAZY, movie marathons are NEVER LAZY.

Is it lazy to learn the nuances of comedy by having a Mike Meyers marathon? Is it lazy to experience all the facets of the world's greatest actress Meryl Streep? Is it lazy, my dear friends, to sit back and enjoy the glory that Peter Jackson presented to us with the evolution of Frodo and his little friends in the 15 million hours worth of the Lord of the Rings trilogy? The answer is a resolute no. Embrace the movie marathons, world and take in all they have to offer.

Below I list some movie marathon ideas. I did not include my obvious favorite movie marathon choice, Harry Potter because we all know about this one and hopefully utilize it annually. Neither did I include the movie marathon idea of Indiana Jones because, again, I hope everyone has this on their go-to marathon plans. I wanted to provide some innovative movie ideas. I like to consider myself a movie marathon chef who crafts together unique and delicious ingredients movies.


Movie Marathon Recipes:

1. Movies inspired by one of the most densely populated countries in the world and a place I dream of going, India. The sights, the smells, the history, the saris!

Some recommendations:
- Monsoon Wedding. Makes me cry every time.

-Slumdog Millionaire. Duh

-Bend it like Beckham. A little bit of a stretch, but this movie is so good. Let it slide.

As an added bonus, you can order a boatload of yumilicious Indian food to compliment the movies! Mmm Chickhen Tikka Masala

2. B Horror Movies. This is a personal favorite of mine. Probably the most visited form of movie marathons I partake in. My bff and I are B Horror Movie experts. If it's a crappy scary movie, we've seen it. I can't praise the entertainment and outrageous images/plot lines/ characters/ dialogue that watching shitty horror movies give the viewer enough. Full of unforgettable times. 


Some of my absolute favorites:
- Valentine (2001). This movie probably deserves a blog post all it's own because of how much pure love I have for it. I own it. I have watched it around 30 times, which seems kind of sick because people get murdered in gruesome ways. But that is overshadowed by stellar performances from Denise Richards and David Boreanaz...Yeah it's that kind of movie. 

-April Fool's Day (1986). People on an island get murdered. 

-Last House on the Left (1972). I just IMDB'd this movie to refresh my memory and noticed that it is directed by Wes Craven; it was the first movie he directed. Ok, so this movie is actually pretty disturbing, but it makes my recommendation list because of one pivotal scene where a young girl turns the table on her evil crazy male attacker and BITES HIM WHERE IT HURTS. Yeah, the thing you think would never happen in a movie does.

 
3. Romancing the Stone/ Jewel of the Nile. Not sure if these two movies constitute a movie marathon theme, but hey we're making up the rules here so I say it does. If you're in the mood for some adventure and world travel then try out these splendid 1980's movies. Featuring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner and taking place in exotic regions such as Columbia and the Middle East, these movies follow author Joan Wilder (Turner) and her adventurous semi criminal lover Jack Colton (Douglas) getting into danger and intrigue. Danny DeVito also makes a notable appearance in the films.

4. J. Lo. This may seem like an odd choice for an actor themed movie marathon, but creativity is key. Besides it is my belief that Jenny From the Block is a better actress than singer. And alright, maybe I am little biased by the fact that I think Enough is like the most magnificent Lifetime-esque movie ever produced. 

 


Jennifer Lopez in her prime:
- ENOUGH. Short haircut? Yes. Boxing? Yes. Kicking your asshole abusive husband's ass? Yes. A funny best friend (Juliette Lewis)? Yes. A main character named Slim? Yes. How could something get any better?

- The Wedding Planner. Another one of my favorite movies. Jennifer is funny in this movie and Matthew McConaughey is at his best acting as a laid back, interested hottie. Plus, I always notice that the wardrobe Jennifer Lopez has in this movie doesn't seem ever to be dated.

- The Cell. Has anyone seen this movie? It was SO creepy. I hardly remember it. I  just remember women floating in cases they were trapped in by some creep McCreepster crazy dude... in his mind. This movie gets scientific and supernatural and freaking weird. 

5. Creature Features. You can do a lot with this genre. There are so many options out there. Of course I have some personal favorites to share, not including Jaws because everyone is aware of this classic (Jaws 3 is the best. Represent!).

-Deep Blue Sea. Another significant part of my movie collection. Deep Blue Sea is the timeless story of genetically engineered sharks who get a little too intelligent and ornery for their scientist captors and end up going ballistic and wreak havoc on a water based research lab. The sharks don't want to be tested on to cure Alzheimers, they just want to eat people. The most wonderful part in this movie that rivals any other insanely surprising scenes in other movies, is when Samuel L. Jackson literally gets bitten in half out of NOWHERE by one of those doggone fishes. Also LL Cool J, oops I mean Ladies Love Cool James, is in it. 

-Anaconda. What we have here is a little bit of a crossover. I considered including this movie under J. Lo's category but decided it needed to reside in Creature Features. I was introduced to this movie around age 10 and instantly became attached. As a 10 year old Anaconda held the secrets of adulthood. There was Jennifer Lopez's voluptuous body, there was traveling down the Amazon River, there was a psycho old dude (Jon Voight), there was Owen Wilson and some chick having sex in the forest. Basically, the plot follows a National Geographic crew floating down the Amazon doing their own professional thing when they run into Mr. Crazy (Voight) who lures them into chasing a ginormous man-eating anaconda snake. Also, Ice Cube is in it. 

-Lake Placid. Another large, man eating, vengeful creature. This time in the form of a crocodile. Oliver Platt is as always witty and snarky in his role. Also, Betty White is in it. 

Special effects aren't the best in any of these creature features, luckily that's not the point. The point is letting your mind wander to the "what ifs" of the existence of large and in charge creatures. And if you are anything like me, you probably will be scared to take a bath for a little while after watching these. 



Use these movie marathon suggestions as starting off points for your own innovative and fun movie choices. Just have fun with it, but take the wonder and power of movie marathons to heart. And always know that when you're movie marathoning you are doing something right in the world.

Union Jack and Helen Mirren

This will be the look I channel for my upcoming LONDON OLYMPICS 2012 PARTY!

I'm SO into that

I find myself saying this all the time. And usually the things I am SO into change from week to week, day to day, hour to hour. You get the point. I really love discovering or re-discovering television shows, books, movies, music, food, etc., all the joyful things in life. And so I thought what better place to share these things than on my blog!

"I'm SO into that" is going to be a re-occurring theme on Falling Bottoms. Hopefully people will share some of my new favorite things or learn about cool new stuff because if I like it, it's cool.

1. Inspector Lewis
Inspector Lewis and Hathaway are back in action strolling the streets of idyllic Oxford solving grisly murders. Alas, this isn't your average Law and Order: SUV esque horrifying and disturbing crime show, Lewis and Hathaway are great compassionate guys who really take an interest in the cases they are solving and the witnesses or victims they are working with. Not into PBS Masterpiece Mysteries? I understand that not many 23 year olds watch this British mystery tradition weekly with their parents (I live on the edge baby), but give this particular program a shot. The scenery alone makes it worthy. Also, James Hathaway aka sexy British actor Laurence Fox is indeed a fox.

2. The Daily Beast
This is a fun thing I read, while also serving as a sort of self assigned daily homework goal. I am going to grad school at GW's School of Media and Public Affairs this coming Fall so I find it very important and will soon be finding it imperative to my life to keep up to date with current/political events. It's hard to read the news every damn day, especially because it can get depressing and overwhelming. But we should! The brilliant Alec Baldwin tweeted numerous times (back when he had a twitter, I miss him deeply) that everyone should read a newspaper every day. And I agree, although I fall short of this a lot. The Daily Beast is a great remedy. It's a cool news site that mixes everything from popular culture, current events, politics, fashion, technology and sports together in a nifty little website. Subscribe via email to their "Cheat Sheet" to receive updates on the top news stories for the day to stay in the loop:  http://www.thedailybeast.com/ They've been having plenty of stories on this whole Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise + Scientology divorce deal. Which sort of irks me because I don't find that newsworthy, but obviously I read the stories anyways. 

3. Outlander
Or as I like to refer to it as The Prude's 50 Shades of Grey. Romance, intrigue, the Scottish Highlands in the 18th century and yeah that's really all you need for a good night. I've only read the first book, but am ready to dig into the second and third, compliments of my sister-in-law. Check out this series!

4. Kate Nash Pandora
Throw in some Billy Joel, Elton John, Lily Allen, Lana Del Rey, Melanie Gardot and you've got a delicious music salad in your ears. Mmmm wonderful imagery. 

5. Maroon 5's new album Overexposed
I would date Adam Levine's voice. 

6. Everything Is Sound by Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz is easily my favorite recording artist of all time. He speaks to my soul and a lot of times his music helps keep me sane. This song has been on repeat recently.

7. Etsy
Not new for many people, I know, but for me Etsy opened up a whole new world like Jasmine riding on that carpet with Aladdin. I'm hooked. I already scored on a beautiful LOVE ring and have my eye on some super zen yoga clothing. Apparently Etsy is speaking to my hippie spirit.

8. Podcasts
I think I've mentioned to everyone I know my love of podcasts. I seriously can't believe I didn't tap into this free form of entertainment sooner! My favorites include: The Heatley Cliff (pretty much for girls), Comedy Bang Bang (full of laughs, the episodes with Andy Samberg and Zach Galifianakis are my favorite) and Here's the Thing (with the one and only Alec Baldwin, his voice is chilling).

9. The Book Group
Oh Netflix, the television shows you open up to me are so odd and underground I am convinced that when I am watching them I may actually be the only person in the world doing so in that very moment. Really who knew all of these shows existed and why does Netflix predict all my interests so well? The Book Group centers around a young woman who moves to Scotland totally alone and forms a book club with a bunch of randos in hopes of making friends. She's pretty much the most annoying person ever and super uptight. I find her semi hilarious though. Her mish mash of book club buddies are entertaining as well. Only two seasons long, meaning it shouldn't be too much of an investment like Buffy The Vampire Slayer has turned out to be, in a good way.

10. Kombucha
What is this weird thing I am drinking and how in the hell do I sincerely enjoy it?  A little tangy, a little fizzy and just sweet enough. I love this stuff that is referred to as fungus in other cultures. Um if that doesn't say YUM  I don't know what does!

Don't rain on my f&#@ing parade: THE Barbra Streisand in Funny Girl

I feel like the piece of information I am about to disclose is going to reveal a lot about who I am as a person, what I believe, what I love, what I fear, what kind of Pandora stations I listen to, what kind of deodorant I wear. Wait...which one doesn't fit?

But, on the real, the next sentence is pretty telling of me as a person. Drum roll please. Funny Girl the movie musical with Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif is most certainly, confidently placed in the top tier of my favorite movie strata. Quick thought, how much WORSE would this movie be if they had decided to spell "girl" "gurl"? Like why does that spelling even exist? Funny Girl is in a word, divine. It is sort of like a spiritual experience when I view it.

I have no idea if anyone reading this has seen this movie because I obviously think it is a total classic, but find people who are like "What is Funny Girl? Is it like Factory Girl that movie with Sienna Miller?" Actually NO ONE has ever asked me that because I am pretty sure that not many people would reference the movie Factory Girl in which Sienna Miller plays 60's socialite Edie Sedgwick and Hayden Christensen plays some musician that is based on Bob Dylan. Says the girl who seems to know an awful lot about the plot line of said movie. I've seen it. Maybe movies with "girl" in the title are my thing?

Ah I digress. The point I am trying to make is that I am usually surprised by the answers I get when I ask people if they have ever seen Funny Girl because either people have never heard of it, or have seen it, or love it. Which I guess is a normal variety of answers, so what is the point I am making?

THE POINT HERE PEOPLE IS THAT THIS MOVIE IS EXTRAORDINARY. I advise any functioning member of society to sit down for all 150 minutes of the pure brilliance that is Funny Girl. I mean there is a 5 minute black screen, orchestra music intro and a 30 second intermission break (What can one do in a 30 second intermission? Think about going to the bathroom? Pick at a cuticle? Nothing too extensive) in a movie! I fast forward these parts because, ummm it's boring.

I love this

I understand there are a lot of Barbra Streisand haters out there. To these people I say, how is that possible? Or are you judging her solely on the size of her nose? Also, I probably have nothing to say that will change your mind dear hater of Babs so keep on keeping on.

The movie Funny Girl is based on the musical Funny Girl which is based on the life of Fanny Brice, a comedian, singer and actress who starred in the Ziegfield Follies and musicals during the early 1900's. The movie chronicles the rise of Fanny, played by Barbra Streisand in both the musical and film, as well as her romantic, yet tumultuous relationship with Nick Arstein, played by the oh so sexy Omar Sharif. Hummina hummina.

"Ahh haha I am sexy", thinks Omar Sharif/ Nicky Arnstein

As a humongous fan of Barbra and Funny Girl there are a ton of topics I'd love to analyze, but I realize not everyone would enjoy that so I have decided to simply list the 5 REASONS TO LOVE FANNY BRICE while fully acknowledging this really does the character or the movie no justice. Just watch it on your own puh-leaseee!

1. Her confidence, ambition and drive. Like the all too familiar schpeal from those actor sorts, Fanny was shot down repeatedly before she made it as a star. People were telling her she wasn't attractive enough, she'd never make it with those small boobs of hers (actually referenced to as the size of lentils in the movie)! But she keeps going because she knows she is beautiful and talented.

2. Her worship worthy one-liners.

Hands down best line of the movie: "Hello gorgeous (pronounced gaw-geous)!" Listen to it here hello gorgeous

Here are some of my other favorites:

"I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls!"

"If I can't tell when you're ordering roast beef and potatoes, how will I know when you're making advances?" 

"You think beautiful girls are going to stay in style forever? I should say not! Any minute now they're going to be out! Finished! Then it'll be my turn!"

3. Her style! The colors, the fabrics, the textures, the prints, the fur hat and muff! Also, her hair does some pretty gravity defying moves in this movie. And I love it. However, I will come forth and admit that I am not the biggest fan of the length and shape of her fingernails in Funny Girl, a little too claw like for me.

4. Her humor. Barbra as Fanny is a true comedienne in this movie. She has great comedic timing and usually babbles in every situation but it works and you love her for it. Fanny is funny in the haha way. I mean the title of the movie is Funny Girl. It would kind of be the worst if Fanny funny girl was not in fact funny. She is, so whatever the world is alright. Fanny uses her humor as protection throughout the film, but that tactic takes a poignant turn at the end of the movie when (SPOILER ALERT) she has to say goodbye to Nick, her romantic interest, before he heads off to jail. Heartbroken she breaks out in song singing "Funny Girl" crying alone in a room (see video below), don't we all do this or want to do this? That's what musicals are for, to bust out in song at dramatic moments in life.

5. Her voice. It's like buttah. My favorite songs:

People

You Are Woman I Am Man

Don't Rain On My Parade

Funny Girl

I venture to say there might be a little bit of funny girl Fanny Brice in all of us. Or not. Mostly, I just completely relate to her and think "Hey, she's funny, unique and quirky. She makes it big against all odds and gets Mr. Mysterious tall dark and handsome so I'll be alright." Not that it's all about getting the man, hey hey feminism.

I urge you to watch the cinematic event of all time, or at least a really good movie, if you have not already. Funny Girl will inspire you, entertain you and put you in awe of Barbra Streisand's extensive talents. Or do I mean Factory Girl?

P.S. There is a Funny Girl sequel called Funny Lady with another fine fella, James Caan, and even more music and splendor!

We Need to Talk About Leo

(I have never seen the movie We Need to Talk About Kevin but my Leo title fit so well with it. Except I read the synopsis of the movie and it sounds incredibly creepy, maybe it wasn't the best option.)

Now down to business, Leonardo DiCaprio was born on November 11th, 1974, which means that this was the happiest day of my life, 15 years before I was born. Leo and I have a long drawn out romantic saga. He was pretty much off my radar until I realized that Gangs of New York and The Departed are two of my favorite movies. Then I was like wait, Leo is in both of these films. Leo! It was basically instantaneous, thus the birth of true love. (You know what Leo movie I don't like? The Basketball Diaries. Disturbing.)

Me and Leo. See how adoringly he looks at me?

Backtrack. I have a hypothesis that Leonardo entered my love tracks through osmosis when I saw him on my ALL TIME favorite television show of my childhood Growing Pains (please tell me there are others who respect this show as much as I do). I was enamored with Mike Seaver (Kirk Cameron, but not so much anymore, at all) and wanted to go to Columbia like Carol. I felt like a part of the family and like all classic family sitcoms, Growing Pains taught me so much about life! You can have friends named Boner and kids can be homeless. Like Luke Brower, played by a young and innocent Leonardo DiCaprio! Mike meets Luke in New York and lets him live with the Seaver's for a while because Luke is on his own roaming the streets of NYC while his truck driver dad is MIA. I remember being slightly disturbed by Luke's story in the show and also thinking he was pretty cute. My young mind didn't take to Leo right away because obviously Mike/Kirk was where it was at, but I now see that Leo has been with me for a long long while.

Carol is looking oh so sassy

Notice there is no mention of Titanic in my brief description of the long drawn out romantic saga between DiCap and me, that's because I made it through half of Titanic as an 8 year old, really only watching in hopes of seeing some scandalous nudity. I heard you got to see some boobs. And I saw them, oh yes I saw them. Then I was over it. I did go to Titanic in 3D earlier this year and got chills from how striking the movie is and needless to say was totally swept away with Rose and Jack. Also, I may or may not have watched their very steamy (literally) love scene at least 5 times in a row after that. But it kind of makes me cringe when Rose forcefully places Jack's hand right on her chest because he was probably going to make his way there without her help.

I have a very large dilemma on my hands when it comes to my relationship with Leo though. In all honesty, I'm scared that he may kind of be a dud of a person? I hope I am horrendously wrong about him, but I think maybe I'm not.

Case and point, he only dates TALL LEGGY BLONDE VICTORIA SECRET MODELS. And he hasn't settled down with a single one. Come on dude. Is he aiming to be his generation's George Clooney? At least George has a little variety in his lady friends. Leo went from Gisele to Bar and now to his newest conquest Erin Tall Leggy Blonde Victoria Secret Model. I realize this is totally Leo's prerogative and he is obviously enjoying his status in life and the women he dates are gorgeous and probably super nice. So whatever it's not my business...to the unassuming eye, but to anyone who knows anything it is TOTALLY my business because Leo is my #1 imaginary boyfriend (Thanks Amy and Sheryl at the Heatley Cliff for that terminology. Comforted to know others do this).

His rough and tumble come hither look.

Sadly, I know nothing about Leo except for the awesome traits I give him in my mind. What I do know though is that if it can't be me and Leonardo DiCaprio walking down the aisle soonish then it needs to be LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND KATE WINSELT. She is now single, he will probably be single pretty quickly, and they need to turn their friendship into some steam like in that car in the boiler room on the RMS Titanic. Should we start a petition to let them know they are perfect for one another?

YES.

I hope I see this for real in the future.

Until the day I meet Leo or he and Kate get together and I feel comfortable that he is in a nice healthy, stable relationship I will continue to imagine Leonardo DiCaprio, my main man, as a gentlemen who has a good sense of humor and smells nice. And I will advise him to keep his hair on the shorter side. I'm not too sure how I feel about his slicked back look. Actually I am; I feel I don't like it.

I don't know, I guess he's just going through some growing pains. Did you see what I did there? Play on words, words playing. 

In the mean time I have THE GREAT GATSBY movie to look forward to! So incredibly excited. It'll be like I'm right there next to my guy as I'll be pretending I'm Daisy the entire time. Finally the man does a movie with some solid romance in it (Shutter Island wasn't necessarily enchanting).

For another genre all together, I'm interested to see how Leo does in a Quentin Tarantino movie. Django Unchained looks pretty crazy, but should I be surprised?

I'd like to end with formally proposing to Leonardo DiCaprio. Will you marry me imaginary boyfriend #1?

A Queen's Diamond Jubilee Party in...Madison, WI.

All hail the queen!

London is having a big year what with the 2012 London Olympics and the QUEEN'S DIAMOND JUBLIEE! I am freaking out over here, is anyone else? We all know I am a self professed anglophile so I kind of feel like the Universe is smiling down on me and all London is beckoning me to make my way across the pond and have a cuppa and a jolly ol' time. Bloody hell, I'm down.

I was out of town the weekend of the Queen's major celebrations meaning regrettably, I was not able to sit glued to the television watching the huge party, wearing a fake crown and talking in a mix between a cockney accent and an elegant Queen Victoria esque accent to mainly no one, while eating short bread cookies that I call biscuits and drinking massive amounts of tea burning my mouth being totally ok with that. What a shame. Doesn't that sound amazing and inspirational? Or wait does it sound like a description of a four year old girl in her imaginary world? Either way it would have been pretty notable.

Although I was not able to devote my full attention to all of the pomp and circumstance of British royal celebrations, I was able to have a splendid tea party in honor of her majesty the Queen! My mom is the best hostess and cute party thrower I know. She fully indulged my idea of a party and ran with it, also providing most of the guests with her cool friends. I spent my party tea time with a gaggle of awesome ladies, what a treat!

For those of you who don't know, The Queen's Diamond Jubilee of Elizabeth II is a celebration marking 60 years on the throne for Lizzy. Queen Victoria is the only other monarch in British history to have celebrated this massive achievement. The Brits do crazy stuff like boat pageants down the Thames and street parties! Also famous celebrities preform for the Queen and The Duchess of Cambridge, lovely Kate Middleton looks gorgeous.

But here in Madison, WI we buy tins of Walkers shortbread cookies, make scones, eat clotted cream and little tea sammies made with wheat bread. It was obviously super authentic. And tons of unadulterated fun.

Here are pictures documenting the whole shin dig.

The spread. Yes, that is the Queen's face on a tin full of shortbread cookies.

Channeling Alice in Wonderland and some of Britain's earlier monarchs who made use of the guillotine. Ahmm "Bloody Mary"

 

 

 

My plate, one of many servings. 

How precious is my mother? We made crowns.

I opted also to add a bindi inspired gem stone as an acknowledgement of British history in India.

And to cap it all off we had a cake decorated with the colors of the United Kingdom and the United States, because we were in fact in the US.

To keep the theme towards our comrades over in the UK we read from my book called "Knickers in a Twist: A Dictionary of British Slang" learning inventive aspects of British culture. It all went tickety-boo (a term that means it went exceedingly well)!

Next on my queue, an Olympics party!! I plan on just wearing a Union Jack flag draped like a toga.

I'm back!

Hello again social media world!

Falling Bottoms is officially back and in action. I took a little time off because I was so busy beginning the most grand undertaking of watching ALL 100 episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer with my mom (more on that fun adventure to come in a future post), trying out new breakfast recipes (my favorite meal of the day!) and getting into grad school!!! So yeah, I've been one busy lass (I just began reading the Outlander series, in which the word lass is used a great deal).

Sit back and enjoy readers because I have some really exciting topics to cover! Also, why not tell your friends that this really cool blog you read once upon a time has sprung back into your life? I know, I know who am I not to write for like months and NOW this chick is asking you to advertise her measly blog? Well, I'm that chick!

And a shout out to the giggly gang at Hello Giggles for spurring me to jump back into the blogging game.

Now to the good stuff.

Brilliance

Deep thoughts of the day brought to you by my one and only dear mom:

Life is like a bubble, take advantage of it before it pops.

It doesn't get much better than that.

Think bubbles!

Who is this evil genius Nicholas Sparks and why does he want to ruin my life?

I hate Nicholas Sparks.

Hear me out. Nicholas Sparks and his wonderfully crafted, heartwrenchingly entertaining, romantic stories have warped my view of realistic love. I expect EVERY man to be so devoted to me from the moment they see me they go crazy at a carnival and hang in midair in their underwear on a Ferris wheel like Noah does for Allie in The Notebook.

After watching Nicholas Sparks movies every girl realizes how much normal guys suck.

I haven't read any Nicholas Sparks books, which is a cop out on my judgement of Nick, but like do I need to submit myself to that? Books have so much more detail and I know that reading The Notebook or Dear John would be agonizing as the heartbreak slowly unfolds. Plus, I hear that all his books are even SADDER THAN THE MOVIES. Can this be possible I ask myself soaked in tears!

Alright, it's obvious that I don't in fact hate Nicholas Sparks, I LOVE/HATE HIM. I want to watch these movies and cry and I want to have this kind of love in my life. Similar to the effect that Disney princess movies have on females, Sparks' work has ruined my life. Not really, but sort of close. Ok again, not really BUT what Nicholas Sparks movies like The Last Song have done is implant a version of a love story life that is largely unattainable.

Maybe I am a romance pessimist and if I am I BLAME IT ALL ON NICHOLAS SPARKS.

Turns out Mr. Sparks is just a normal author dude with an abnormal affinity to write stories that pull at the heartstrings. Is Nicholas Sparks the most romantic man on Earth? I freaking hope so, then everything would be ok and make sense.

My personal favorite Sparks' films are The Notebook, Dear John and The Last Song.

The Notebook. I couldn't resist putting this one in because does this really happen?

Dear John

The Last Song

Muhahaha also this one.

I may have been experiencing a dramatic point in my life when I watched Dear John, but holy my god I was convulsing with sobs when I saw it. Ask yourself, could John be any better as a complex tough guy who just wants to be loved and give love? And then that whole bit with his dad! A river of tears I tell you. My roommate at the time probably thought something was physically wrong with me.

It was during this viewing that I realized I enjoy crying to the point of no return.  It's just kind of fun to release any and all feelings through the tears Nicholas Sparks forces out of me.

This is what Nicholas Sparks 'the evil genius' has done to me:

1. Makes me think that the guy should always be that much more devoted and into it than the girl in a relationship. Look at the male characters in my three fav Nick films: Noah, John and Will are extremely devoted to Allie, Savannah and Ronnie so much so they refuse to give up on them. The girls flounce around, in pain yes, but are prepared to move on from their loves!

2. You can be a total bitch to your guy all the time and he will come back. My evidence for this, Miley Cyrus/ Ronnie in The Last Song. I mean she is literally annoying every instant of that movie. Why does Liam Hemsworth/Will take all her shit? But I love this movie and am so happy at the end when they kiss on the beach and both decide to continue their education in college. Woo, go learning! Also, nothing against Miley- I LOVE 'PARTY IN THE USA.'

3. Then there's that one notion I have that fighting with your significant other can be outlandish and dramatic and you can make a scene and just go NUTS. Because you guys, this just shows all the love and passion between the guy and gal! At least according to damn Nicholas Sparks. This is potentially the most dangerous idea I have soaked into my brain waves because who wants a psycho screaming and maybe going in for a slap fighting over a scoop of ice cream or something.

So obviously Nicholas Sparks' films have made me delusional.

Or maybe Nick is showing me the beauty that love can bring, also with the tears and the pain that comes when your heart is ripped out of your chest. Examples of this include when Noah and Allie breakup, when Ronnie finds out that Will knew all along that Ronnie's dad didn't burn down the church, when Savannah can't deal with being apart from John any longer and gets with that kid's dad! But it all turns out sort of ok in the end. With love comes sadness and strife, but you can prevail, so says Nicholas!

Alas, after all my smack talk I have decided on a compromise. I will continue to"hate" Nicholas Sparks and his love tales while at the same time I will understand that his stories are showing the possibilities that a great love can bring.

Mentally I have to tell myself this as I prepare to see The Lucky One (coming out soon) starring ZAC EFRON and some other girl. Again Nicholas Sparks will make me cry the kind of cry that people feel uncomfortable around (sorry everyone at the theatre!) and I will love hate him while I do it. Hurrah!

And who knows maybe I'll find myself singing a different tune when I find my Noah, John or Will. BUT THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM, NICHOLAS SPARKS TELLS ME THERE IS A NOAH, JOHN OR WILL OUT THERE FOR ME. Ugh, life and its complexities.

To those of you with awesome boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives or a Noah, John or Will, I am sincerely happy for you... in the sort of way that people are happy for people when they are jealous of them.

!!!!

Exclamation points of excitement and love!!!!!

Friends With Kids

If I had a theme song it would be that old Starz jingle "Movies, movies, movies, movies!" because I'm such a movie fanatic. I also like most every movie I see so I'm not a tough critic.

I recently saw the movie Friends with Kids. I was expecting a cute little comedy with Kristen Wiig, Chris O'Dowd (who is so cute!! and Irish), Jon Hamm and Maya Rudolph reprising roles similar to those in Bridesmaids. WRONG, denied. I did not find that in this movie, but I did really really like it (as always).

Basically, two friends Julie (Jennifer Westfedlt) and Jason (Adam Scott) have been just that for as long as they've known each other, friends. They are part of a fun, trendy little six-some group of friends made up of two other couples Ben (Jon Hamm) and Missy (Kristen Wiig) and Leslie (Maya Rudolph) and Alex (Chris O'Dowd).

Ben and Missy and Leslie and Alex have kids and becoming un-freaking-bearable, annoying, psychotic parents. I am not in a child rearing phase of my life so I don't really have a place to talk, but these friends with kids need to calm down a little/a lottle.

Julie and Jason can't keep solid, serious relationships respectively, with Jason breaking up with girls left and right and Julie basically doing one daters with duds. But they do decide, even after witnessing the horrors of having children from their friends, that they want to bring a little one into the world. What ensues is a sweet little love story with some bumps in the road, but thoughtful insights into contemporary relationships, kids, love, friendships, sex and the like.

I won't give away the end, but I will say it ends happy! Yay.

For the record, I do want to have kids. I'm not some maniacal cat lady who shuns munchkin children.

Oh how times have changed

For any of you who used to watch the original Beverly Hills 90201 or Charmed you know why I feel sad, but also begrudgingly delighted by this commercial. Because we all know Brenda in 90210 and Prue in Charmed were the characters we didn't really like.

Jonah Hill

I could possibly be Jonah Hill's number one fan. I've been pretty devoted to him since his Superbad days and keep fighting the good jump on the Jonah Hill bandwagon fight.

Comedy is such a wonderful thing to enjoy in life and I regularly get through my days relaying on my sense of humor. What can I say chuckling, haha-ing, giggling, snort laughing is infectious and ranks among my top five FAVORITE things to do.

And this is where J Hill comes along. Seeing his shining face and those kind of disturbing, but ultimately inviting happy eyes makes me laugh at the onset. This is why again I was thrilled to hear he would be on what is becoming the thing I most look forward to on the weekends, SNL!

With watching SNL I have convinced my psyche that I have a whole new group of friends, the SNL cast. I mean we spend most Saturday nights together so we are basically attached at the hips. We share little inside jokes and Kristen Wiig and I talk about dying our hair. Wait, this doesn't actually happen? That's besides the point.

Jonah (first name basis status) was on Saturday Night Live this past weekend and he was spectacular. I am proud to admit my total bias in support of Jonah Hill and that is why you won't find a single critique of THIS guy on my blog, 

See what I mean about those eyes?

Although I feel the topic of his weight is completely irrelevant to his level of funniness, let's get the elephant out of the room. He was fat, then he got super skinny and now is tipping on the brink between chubby to fatness again. As long as he is healthy is what I say! Which he probably is not, but that tis here nor there.

THE BEST SKIT EVER ON SNL SO FAR THIS SEASON IN MY OPINION WAS: The Six Year Old Returns.

Please watch this skit and experience the pure joy of listening to six year old Adam Grossman spout out hilarious musings.

The recurring skit J Pop America Fun Time Now is always at least mildly amusing, but when Jonah Hill couldn't stop himself from laughing and breaking character as "Martin Bladfeld-san" I couldn't handle it, mostly because I really like when comedians/actors break and start laughing. The power of my staff.

And finally the last skit of SNL left me feeling really happy. It was like a big fun friend sing along dance time. I felt like I was there or maybe I just wished I was.

Note: Bill Hader as Steffon was great this week (look up "hoomba", a human roomba, for a new fun term) as was Kristen Wiig as Paula Dean and Liza Minnelli. Also, a spoof of Ghost Hunters in this week's video short was kismet.

I am eagerly anticipating the release of 21 Jump Street this coming weekend! But in the mean time I have some other Jonah Hill masterpieces in my extensive movie collection to bide my time with.

Now I leave you with this,

Chocolate to my ears

As I just tweeted to Adam Levine, his voice is like chocolate to my ears. Plus he is a stone cold fox.

I recently officially completed my Maroon 5 collection and have been listening to this song non stop.

And this one,

If you're a Brewers fan...

Then you know why this picture is worth a million, trillion, bizillion words.

For the record I always knew Ryan Braun was innocent. So he should marry me. Please Ryan!

Beast mode.

Women of the Week

Sorry dudes, but girls rule! And this week I highlight two females that are cool. (Say this aloud, it kind of rhymes)

They might be polar opposites, with one a fictional character and the other a badass journalist, but I bet they would like each other if they met.

Peppy Miller

I usually try to play games with award winning movies by not seeing them because seeing all of them or picking a few to see is just too overwhelming! Then I am lamely relegated to watching crappy superhero flicks or whatever is available instantly on Netflix.

But, this year I stopped futzing around and saw The Artist.

I wasn't sure about this movie because I like color and talking. What? Movies are in color with noise? I forgot about those two generally crucial aspects of modern film because The Artist was so good!

I'm sure everyone has heard their fair share about this movie so I won't go into details.

What I will comment on is the main female lead, Peppy Miller. I knew I liked Peppy right away because her name was Peppy. Is this not the best? After I spent a few minutes thinking how my life would have been different had I been named Peppy (I would have learned to tap dance and I would do cool things like wink and always have my fingernails painted red), I got back to admiring her.

Bottom line, Peppy Miller is likeable. You want to be her or be her friend. She was fueled by her loyalty, love and admiration for Jean Dujardin. Not in a "I have no life because my life revolves around my guy" way. She is endearing. She knew what she wanted and went for it. She became a star!

Also, she does crazy tricks like this

MIND BLOWN

The second lovely lady I am giving a shout-out too is Andrea Mitchell.

I am reading her book, Talking Back: to Presidents, Dictators and Assorted Scoundrels.

Scoundrels in a book title! I'm sold! But really, I'm a political news junkie so this is right up my alley.

Currently, she hosts the show Mitchell Reports on MSNBC and is a regular on political talk show programs, like my favorite The Morning Joe. Andrea has been around a long time. She has staying power and is smart and talented. Because I am now an expert on her from reading 1/3 of her book so far, I know that she worked hard to get where she is having to start from the bottom and work her way up more than once. Right on sister. I need to finish her book and then I want to meet her.

You can follow her on Twitter: @mitchellreports

If you haven't seen The Artist, do. And if you don't know who Andrea Mitchell is, get to know her.

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