The worst and the best of it all (for today)

I like to say that people, places or things (nouns!) and events are "the worst", basically anything can quickly be labeled as the worst. I find this to be a descriptive way to easily share my feelings on said nouns or events. Also, it's fun to confidently proclaim "Ugh that's the worst." Things that are the worst change daily and sometimes what was the worst yesterday could be the best today.

Here is my list of the worsts for today and to offset what could easily depict me as a debbie downer, pessimistic, shallow loser I will also provide a list of the bests.

THE WORST (listed in no particular order):
-fresh nail polish chipping (Essie is the best, but why does it chip so easily!?)
-when your feet are cold
-not being able to find the remote
-having to pee all the time (always happens to me, is my bladder small?)
-when you have food in your teeth and don't know it
-the phrase "Hells yeah"(Hells no. Never. Say. This. Again)
-capers
-not being able to get a combination lock open. 

Quick story, this traumatic event once happened to me at a gym I was a member of a few years ago. This was an Equinox gym, these are like a 5 star hotel. I want to live in this gym. One of the great perks to Equinox gyms are their crazy good locker rooms, providing towels, razors, shampoo, conditioner, body wash etc. Clean and pristine.

So I'm in the locker room in my towel and I can't get my combination lock open. I have no friends or acquaintances at the gym at this point. I am stranded, alone and naked except for a small, skimpy, stupid towel (for now, the towels and amenities of the Equinox locker rooms are not so exciting, they suck because I hate this moment and these towels).

I am getting frantic. I easily get frantic when weird things like this happen or I get lost driving somewhere. I can't get the lock open, my hands are shaking like I am Charlize Theron in The Italian Job when she has to open that intricate lock in like .5 seconds; I am only dealing with a combination lock like a 6th grader in the halls of middle school. Some old woman in the locker room senses that I am on the verge of tears and that I am young and scared. She is clothed, so she gets an employee to help. They bring in an industrial size cutter thing and have to cut my lock off!

And then I start to sob.

This is why not being able to open a combination lock is horrifying and unsafe. Always get the key locks and do not lose your key.

THE BEST:
- a good hair day
-peanut butter toast
-The Gilmore Girls
-when you perfectly parallel park (this never happens to me, but it did once and I wish someone could have caught it on tape)
-the first use of a new mechanical pencil
-Helen Mirren
-playing "Chuck, fuck or marry"
-eating cheese
-when a good song comes on the radio (lately this song has been "Run Around" by Blues Traveler or "Ironic" By Alanis Morissette)